he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am spending my child support on dildos
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Drake has all the answers
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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