i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
