escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
