I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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