my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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