ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize