evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
