I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
