GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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