i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize