I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize