I seem to have left my pride at pride
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
