I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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