I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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