even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
