Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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