there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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