you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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