last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
