I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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