You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
