Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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