my mouth tastes like poor choices
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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