i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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