MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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