i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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