shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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