I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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