I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
