It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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