Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Someone signed my nipple.
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