new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
