I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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