how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
