Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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