Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
