Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is the high leading the old right now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
