I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
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You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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