I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
