and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
