I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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