I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
