he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
