Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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