i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
