found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
