At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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