Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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