Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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