Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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