Sponge bath it is.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
