you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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