Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
