1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
