But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
false alarm. still invincible.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
