i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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