just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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