I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So vagazzling was a success
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
