Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
do herpes really smell.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
