At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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