We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
